“It’s so important to stop and take a moment”

Rachael Logan is 26 and lives in London. In May 2019, her dad, Andrew, was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She’ll be remembering him on the Day of Reflection.

“My dad was the rock of our family, he was the one that you could go to with any problems. He was sarcastic, he was famously grumpy, but he was the best dad you could ever have wished to have. We talked every day. Even now when I go for walks I pick up my phone to ring him.

“Dad died on 6 March 2020, just before the world went into lockdown. He was 58. I’m so thankful that my whole family was able to be with him when he died at the Marie Curie Hospice in Belfast.

“I can’t believe how difficult it must be not to be there.”

Getting support

“I started my job in September 2020 and I had my first accountancy exams and I don’t know if the pressure of that triggered it, but I just had a bit of a breakdown. I’ve never felt like that before. I just couldn’t get out of bed, and I cried every time I tried to speak.

“My mum said to me ‘you have to do something about this.’ I kept telling myself it would pass. But I ended up ringing the Marie Curie Support Line for someone to talk to, they were brilliant. It was really important to know that I had a number to call as a back-up if things got really bad again.

“I went on to use the Marie Curie bereavement service, which is like counselling. It helped with my anxiety. For me I think it was just about verbalising my thoughts. A lot of the time you don’t want to burden your family or friends with it, especially if they are going through the same thing. I couldn’t say to Mum, ‘this is how I’m feeling.’”

A new normal

“My mum describes herself as a polo mint. Like there’s a big hole in the middle my dad has left behind. People say time heals all, but I don’t think that it does. I think you learn to live with the hole that’s left. And you learn to live with a new normal.

“Grief gets very heavy sometimes, and just because outwardly you carry it well, it doesn’t mean it’s not really heavy, and I think it’s really important for people to take a moment to validate their own feelings and say to themselves and to others – actually, it’s OK to feel really sad, and go with it.”

Time to reflect

“I’ll be remembering my dad on the Day of Reflection. It’s a day to stop and think, to maybe feel a little bit sad. Life gets so busy and it runs away with us all. I think particularly since the pandemic, life has gone 100 miles per hour.

“It’s so important that you stop and take a moment, firstly to remember the people that are in your life, the people who had a big impact on you, but secondly, to check in with yourself. Am I OK? Do I need to speak to someone? How am I dealing with this?”

Not alone

“It’s so nice to know that other people are in the same boat. It doesn’t make it any easier, because everyone has experienced that kind of pain or loss, but you know you’re not alone. There are other people who understand a little bit of your story, and you maybe understand a little bit of theirs. It’s that feeling of not being completely isolated.”

If you, or someone close to you, has been bereaved, Marie Curie is here to help. Call us on 0800 090 2309 and ask for information about bereavement support.

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